i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
