Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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