Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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