Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
