My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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