I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
