just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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