I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
