My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
