just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
