I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
