Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
