Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
