To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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