To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
