Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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