just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
