Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
