That's intense
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
