my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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