Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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