I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
