I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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