The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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