when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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