Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
