I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
