someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
