That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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