Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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