we're blogging at a bar
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize