i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize