Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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