last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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