speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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