My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
