Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
