whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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