Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
my shit smells like andre
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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