just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
