I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
