i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Watching her eat just hurts me
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
