i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
