I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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