You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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