I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
