apparently the secret to your success is patron
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
