I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Pants are for mortals
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
