What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
