I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
