Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
