Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
