it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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