It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
