can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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