She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
