I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
