She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
