first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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