Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
